zeusyallday:

so airplanes officially banned tweezers. honestly i think anyone that can hijack an airplane with a pair of tweezers deserves the airplane

(via duplication)

androidelf:

*takes the collar off my dog* ur nakey

(via greed)

worthyourweightinfanfiction:

armadillo:

REAL TALK IF THERES A FIRE AT MY SCHOOL I AM NOT WALKING IN AN ORDERLY FASHION AND THEN GETTING MY NAME MARKED OFF IM RUNNING FOR MY LIFE AND IM TAKING MY GOD DAMN BAG WITH ME 

one time there was an unscheduled fire alarm and i just happened to have my bag on my shoulder when it went off so my teacher made me go back into what, to his knowledge, was a burning building so i could put my bag back

(Source: bastille, via uhmeliamay)

breremma:

why do they even make underwear with tags??? just to tickle ur buttcrack???? what kind of sick joke is this???????????

(via uhmeliamay)

sluttyoliveoil:

once my friend was waiting for her mom to pick her up and she called her mom and her mom said “im on my way, the traffic is just slow, im coming” and my friend went “mom i called the house phone”

(via uhmeliamay)

awesomephilia:

i think dogs have elevator music playing in their heads at all times

(Source: dutchster, via secondstartootheright)

velvet-m0rning:

mozellmemorieszv:

Hardest thing to answer: Describe yourself.

i.e. how do i talk about my positives without sounding cocky and negatives without coming across as self depreciating 

(Source: c0caino, via humorbaby)

free-booty:

I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things and get really excited I’m sorry

(Source: free-booty, via humorbaby)

unprintable:

How do people do backflips and shit? like i can’t even flip my grilled cheese without fucking up

(Source: unprintable, via humorbaby)

This cute little girl named Savannah just shot her first deer and it is adorable. Rock n’ Roll